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Oh what fun! - Are we not men?
Oh what fun!
Usually, these things are all wrong-like, or more like cliches rather than things you have to be from the state to know about. But this one is actually pretty funny. My comments are non-bold.



You Know You're From Texas When...


You see more Texan flags than American flags. Well duh. I have to drive down the street!

You know someone who ate the 72 oz steak and got it for free. I think everyone in Texas knows someone who claims to have done it. I believe my sister's boyfriend did it once.

You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry, and your Cowboy Boots. That would be a negatory on the cowboy boots, thanks.

You can write a check at Dairy Queen for 2 Hungr-Busters and fries. Well back before I was a vegetarian, DQ was the place to go for checkwriting. That was back in the days before Visa Check Cards.

You prefer Whataburger to McDonalds. Doesn't everybody? Taquitos, anyone?

You dress up to go shopping at the mall. OK, you are probably thinking this implies 'shirt with sleeves' or something contrasting to redneck tube top and daisy-dukes. But this is actually about Plano. People - adults even! - put on these spectacular outfits to go to Willow Bend or Stonebriar malls. I'm talkin $400 skirts and stuff. I don't really understand it myself, but it's there. Collin Creek is like, the slummin mall (also has most of the good stores, like Suncoast and stuff), so there's less of this behavior at that mall.

You've hung ornaments and tinsel on a tumbleweed and used it as a Christmas tree. We were poor!

You're disappointed when a food doesn't come in spicy flavor. Hey, I like spicy. *chomps on jalapeno-flavored potato chips*

You know from experience that rattlesnake meat tastes like chicken. Actually, it tastes like reptile. I don't eat vertebrates anymore, really, but rattlesnake and alligator are very similar in flavor. And much less fat than mammals. Less dry than chicken. Good stuff, tbqh.

You can tell a rock from an armadillo at 300 yards. One time there was a turtle crossing the street, so I stopped and put it in the grass. It snapped at me.

You know what a 'Cowboy Cadillac' is. Primitives.

You have both a dog and a brother-in-law named Bud being single, I am without brothers-in-law. Thank goodness.

Your local grocery store sells cactus in the Fresh Produce department What, you espected to find it in the frozen foods?!

You watch the movie Urban Cowboy and laugh at the phony Texan accents Let's alter this one. You watch Spongebob and cringe at Sandy's phony Texan accent. "Y'all" is plural for "you". It's not a substitute for singular 'you'.

You choose a brand of Mexican salsa with the same care that another might use to select a bottle of fine wine Good salsa does not come from New England. And some salsa is like, 85% vinegar. You really do have to choose carefully.

You think that the 4 basic food groups are nachos, bar-b-que, fajitas, and Copenhagen. While I admit that nachos are good, tacos are good, and burritos are good, I don't much eat meat so bar-b-que is a bit out, and copenhagen is eww. I will admit that I can't think of a time when jalapenos are inappropriate, though.

You refer to the Dallas Cowboys as "God's favorite football team" Don't much follow football, which in all honesty does make me a bit of a heretic in Texas.

You know whether another Texan is from South, West, East, North, or Central Texas as soon as they open their mouth. We all have different accents. North Texas is the best.

You don't consider people from Austin to be real Texans. Well, there are good arguments supporting this claim, but all the best Texas Blues comes from Austin.

Your Pastor wears boots. I don't much go to church anymore, but yeah, I recall the pastor wearing boots.

There is no such thing as a "secret" sin. I don't really know what this means.

The Blue Book value on your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it. Now this one is just a cliche. Let's replace it with something more realistic. Like, "You can't watch King of the Hill because all the characters remind you of relatives you hate." Or, "You know when you're being insulted in Spanish, despite never having taken a single course in the language."

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Texas. blah blah blah.
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Comments
From:kattgrrl
Are you gonna eat that?
Date: August 22nd, 2004 - 09:14 am
 
From:kattgrrl
Can you feel the love?
Date: August 22nd, 2004 - 09:15 am
 
From:raditzsex
Are you gonna eat that?
Date: August 22nd, 2004 - 10:48 am
 Re: Scurry away little vegetarian!
Luckily, I live in Plano (suburb of Dallas) which is the most civilized of Texas cities. Sure there's BBQ joints everywhere, but all the respectable burger places serve Boca now, and even the regular supermarkets have a vegetarian/natural foods section. I got all my co-workers hooked on soy nuts as a snack, too :D I'm a crusader!
From:zmd_norrec
Stop asking about milk already.
Date: August 22nd, 2004 - 09:17 am
 
I want to try the 72oz steak.

And pittsburgh calls plural you's "You'ns"
From:raditzsex
Stop asking about milk already.
Date: August 22nd, 2004 - 10:50 am
 
I believe the restaurant is somewhere on I-20, and there's a big billboard esplaining that if you finish the steak, you won't be charged for it. I'm not sure what they consider finishing, though.
From:zmd_norrec
Can you feel the love?
Date: August 22nd, 2004 - 11:06 am
 
If it has a lot of fat lining, and that counts as 'finishing', then i wont finish it.. but if its trimmed, i'll take a whack at it.
From:glitter_glue
Teacher said not to.
Date: August 22nd, 2004 - 09:40 am
 you's
we get a lot of people saying youse (think ewes) here in 'straya.

oh btw - my boyfriend pointed out that hellboy looks a lot like Jet.
From:raditzsex
Stop asking about milk already.
Date: August 22nd, 2004 - 10:50 am
 Re: you's
Hahahaha! That's slightly disturbing o_O
8 droids -- Spew an android