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I have a tale to tell - Are we not men? — LiveJournal
I have a tale to tell
Just bear with me, I suspect you will be amused by the end.

OK, first I have to explain the logistics of the day. Usually, I take Holly to my mom's in the morning, and she stays with her while I do annoying workstuffs. But not today! My mom had a doctor's appointment.
So, enter one sister, Lainie. She shows up at 6:30, with donuts! Rock on! I give her the key to lock up, because I know my mom is coming to get the Holly later.
Me, I worked. It was lame, but I am a genius and did many great things which the natives will write songs about for years to come. But that's beside the point.
My mom, then, took the Holly to Holly's dad's wife's dad's house, where she passed off the Holly to her stepmom. Follow all that? They meet up at the dad's house because it's in between where they live and where Holly's dad lives.
So, I now have a clean bill of sale, and I can leave from work and stop at the grocery store on the way home, and do any other errands that I forgot to do. I get home, gather up my groceries, walk up the stairs to my apartment and...

Eh, I want you to guess. It'll be more fun that way :)
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Date: June 27th, 2003 - 11:00 pm
  This is perfect for practicing to be a psychic....lemme see....
You woke up and it was all a dream? (I hate when that happens.)
Oh no! Did you forget to pick Holly up?
Or...your sister moved in while you were gone?
Maybe Ed McMahon is standing there with a giant check!
Or how 'bout this one...hehe...you accidentally went to your apartment from 1989, much to the surprise of the people who live there now?
Maybe you accidentally stole all the groceries!
Maybe the hepcat spoke to you!!
Can you feel the love?
Date: June 28th, 2003 - 02:28 pm
 Re: This is perfect for practicing to be a psychic....lemme see....
Hint: all the information you need is in the post.
Stop asking about milk already.
Date: June 29th, 2003 - 10:34 pm
 Re: This is perfect for practicing to be a psychic....lemme see....
Ohhh...the door wasn't locked? But everything was cool and the hepcat and all your belongings are still in tact and present?

I'm not a very good psychic. But I'm woking on it. GLORIOUS TEA! DRINK IT NOW!
I've been goosed!
Date: June 30th, 2003 - 11:01 am
 Re: This is perfect for practicing to be a psychic....lemme see....
Worse! Well, not really.

The door *was* locked.

And Lainie had the key.
Are you gonna eat that?
Date: June 30th, 2003 - 08:45 pm
 Re: This is perfect for practicing to be a psychic....lemme see....

I've been goosed!
Date: June 27th, 2003 - 11:53 pm
you are hit by an alien transmogrification ray which turns you into a gopher?

I suspect your sister has orchestrated a giant fuck up.
Date: June 30th, 2003 - 11:04 am
No, but remember, I said I gave her the key... but I didn't mention anything about getting it back.

It wasn't funny at the time, but it's funny now. I had to go back downstairs with all the groceries and then go to my mom's house which is where I'd told Lainie to leave the key.
Date: June 28th, 2003 - 12:32 pm
 Knowing your sister...
A James Earl Jones look-alike appears out of nowhere, holding a flashlight and your sister's right hand.

"Val..I am your neighbor!"

And offers for you to join the Celebrity Impersonation Side of The Force.

Inside your home will be three ounces of cocaine, meant to be sold to pay for the cleaning job he left in your apartment. There is blood everything - your sister was quite a squirter. Don't look into the fridge. There's some moldy chili in there. It's mine. Sorry.

Date: June 30th, 2003 - 08:46 pm
  Re: Knowing your sister...
I like yours the best.
Teacher said not to.
Date: June 30th, 2003 - 09:51 pm
 Re: Knowing your sister...
Thank you :)
I owe it all to my father. You see, I just tell myself that my dad is the Demon Lord of Non-sequitors*, and I'm actually non-sequitor incarnate, and it all flows.

*It doesn't have to be true. It's like a placebo (don't tell me that's not a fun word to say. I'll cry.) effect. Like taking a sugar pill will make my tumor go away, thinking I'm half humor-demon will help me be funny. Or at least get a reservation on the beach.

Love your LJ icon. Religiously.
10 droids -- Spew an android