Val jutsu. But I'll spell it Val-jitsu, just to piss people off. It is a technique that will allow your face to become a deadly weapon.
Do you wish you could run through the forest with your eyes closed? Do you ever fear you will be kidnapped and your arms and legs bound? Val-jitsu is the discipline for you.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: I have false teeth. Can I still compete?
A: False teeth made of something other than enamel or wood will be disqualified. Those with braces must wait until the braces are removed to compete.
Q: Aren't high cheekbones an unfair advantage?
A: No. Proper use of Val-jitsu will allow you to defeat any opponent, no matter how pointy his/her face may be.
Q: This sounds dangerous. I don't want my child participating.
A: Good. Your child is a crybaby anyway and keeps trying to kiss the teacher.
Q: Someone suggested that Viagra can help my cartilaginous nose increase stamina. Is this true?
A: I think you are in the wrong dojo, my friend.