I had like, a major non-smoove weekend. I figure it is because I was not wearing pants that fit. Today, I am wearing pants that fit (I only have 5 pairs which is why I wear non-fitting pants on the weekend), and I am not non-smoove.
One of the best ways to tell how smoove you might be during any given day is to walk outside and flick a cigarette. If it falls to the ground by your feet, you are not going to have a smoove day. If you flick it like 15 feet, you might have a smoove day. If you flick it and it goes 30 feet into the air, does a little dance, and lands politely in an ashtray on the other side of town, cue the pr0n music.
Let's say for the sake of argument that you do not smoke but you need to know how smoove you are. There are a couple of other ways to tell. Unfortunately, as a smoker, I do not know these ways. Please consult a non-smoker's handbook.
Now I have this mental image of a book labelled "Non-Smoker's Handbook" and when you open it, the pages are cut and it is holding exactly one cigarette and one matchbook, and all it says is "You know you wanna."
I wish I remembered all the non-smoove things I did on the weekend so I could tell you. I do remember I fell off the couch into a pile of stuff that I have accumulated near the couch. That would have been funny if anyone had seen it. Maybe I'll pick up tonight so next time I randomly fall off the couch I'll not land in stuff.
My new cubicle habit is chewing on a plastic knife. It's like biting my nails but plastic is softer and less disgusting. I'm all :
*coughing on plastic knife*