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Weekly World News - Are we not men?
Weekly World News
This week's issue comes with a FREE 2005 'Freaks, Geeks, and Weirdos' calendar. Instead of having US holidays like Presidents Day, Labor Day, etc, marked, it has significant pseudonews events and odd pseudoholidays. I'm going to share a few (but not all, there's lots) with you.

Jan 4 - Elvis Found Alive (1/4/88)
Jan 8 - Bubble Bath Day
Jan 22 - Bigtoof Captured (1/22/89)
Feb 16 - Amelia Earhart's barf bag found in South Pacific (2/16/02)
Feb 27 - International Polar Bear Day
Mar 16 - Alien baby found on Mars (3/16/03)
Mar 20 - Extraterrestrial Abduction Day
Apr 3 - Dont Go To Work Unless It's Fun Day (note that apr 3 is a sunday)
Apr 21 - Satan's Skull Found (4/21/03)
May 7 - International Tuba day
May 28 - Giant lizard terrorizes Japanese village (5/28/79)
Jun 11 - Hug Holiday
Jun 16 - National Hollerin' Contest Day
July 14 - National Nude Day w00t!
Would you believe, Sept 19, International Talk Like a Pirate Day. (of course, cuz we all did that this year)
Oct 2 - Name Your Car Day
Nov 25 - Gay Aliens Found In UFO Wreck (11/25/2000)

Now, here we go.

25 signs you are going to HELL
You might be bound for the dark realm if you...
- can name 10 beers but not one of the 10 commandments
- think WWJD stands for 'What would J-lo do'
- are a whoremonger
- can't stand harp music
- wear white after Labor Day
- have build a shrine to Michael Jackson, even a small one
- have severed hedz in your freezer
- have occasionally asked God to damn something for you
- have considered selling your soul for a Mercedes convertible
- sometimes use the Lord's name in vain, especially when you can't find the TV remote or stub your toe in the dark
- have watched a movie with graphic violence, brief nudity, sexual themes, or adult language
- use the F word more than once a day
- feel powerful and satisfied after squashing an insect
- have engaged in sexual acts for reasons other than procreation
- have undressed people with your eyes at family reunions
- don't understand what's so bad about alcohol since it makes you feel so good
- ever fell down because you drank too much. "The bible says 'thou mayest swayeth on thy feet' says [made-up expert name]
- ever laughed at or imitated a mentally or physically handicapped person. "This is especially difficult as the rule includes midgets with big heads" says [made-up expert]
- ever had a bath or shower with someone of the opposite sex
- ever had a bath or shower with someone of the same sex
- are a homosexual, transsexual, heterosexual, or metrosexual
- ever rolled your eyes at the mention of Mother Theresa
- make a practice of stepping on sidewalk cracks
- belong to any organized religion. "Every religion believes the members of every other religion are going to hell," explains [made-up expert]. "And since you can only belong to one religion at a time, it's a catch-22 situation."
- covet your neighbor's wife, husband, car, house, donkey or any of their household appliances.

Damn, that was pretty funny. I honestly believe I could have written that. I need to stop fucking around and just write some fake news stories.

Jammin' with : Echizen Ryouma - arigato
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Teacher said not to.
Date: December 16th, 2004 - 10:46 am
- have considered selling your soul for a Mercedes convertible

Aw damn. :[

I'll be seeing you there right?

Date: December 17th, 2004 - 10:45 am
I can't help it, with the severed hedz. ;)
Date: December 17th, 2004 - 11:21 am
We'll cruise around in my car then. :]
Date: December 16th, 2004 - 11:56 pm
It's so weird - I had a dream about you last night. Remember I had a dream about you a month or two ago as well. Why do I dream about you? We've never met, and we don't even really talk (though I'll always consider you a friend even if we don't talk). Every couple of months I end up having a dream about you where we're hanging out together. In this one, I was some kind of master map-maker, and you had hired me to draw maps of imaginary places in your head. Then I think some romance happened, but I woke up and I don't remember that part.

Teacher said not to.
Date: December 17th, 2004 - 10:51 am
My dream occupation used to be cartographer, until I realized it really did involve shitloads of actual work. Not really, but it really was on my list of #1 occupations to have, cartographer. I'm just not good at that sort of thing.
And we are friends, even if we don't talk so much anymore. Now that I work for the phone company and they'd track my overseas calls ;)
5 droids -- Spew an android